Stepping Outside by Melissa Vargas

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

--"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver 

It’s an understatement to say this has been a tough year. As we approached spring break, I found it difficult to cope with the stresses of my life and realized I needed to do something to recharge and recover a sense of hope for the future. This meant leaving Ontario and spending some time in nature. I embarked on a road trip that took me to Bend, Grants Pass (my hometown), Crescent City, Union Creek, and back through Bend again. In each of these places, I spent time outdoors, connecting with my surroundings.

Melissa on the Deschutes River

In Bend, I hiked the Deschutes River Trail and was soothed by the sound of the Deschutes River at my side. I was in awe of the beauty of the trees surrounding me and took deep breaths of the cold, clean air, imagining it cleansing me of my sorrows. I felt peace for the first time in months.

In Grants Pass, I was comforted by the mountains that surrounded me throughout my childhood. I remembered I am not alone.

The mountains above Grants Pass, OR

In Jedediah State Park near Crescent City, California, I hiked the Boy Scout Trail through the Redwoods and marveled at their size and beauty. I saw Redwoods that are still standing tall after being scarred by fires and threatened by other dangers. I was reminded that I can stand tall no matter what comes my way. I also saw Redwoods that fell long ago but are now home to new life. I was reminded that good can come out of the tragedies in our lives if we choose to make them mean something.

Melissa and Redwood, both standing tall

When I stared out at the ocean from the coast in Crescent City, I remembered that the world is such a big place, and while life is short, the problems I am facing now are just part of my short life, a life that is bigger than what I am going through this year.

On my drive home, I stopped at Union Creek and spent some time admiring the Rogue River Gorge, another beautiful place that was created in the aftermath of disaster: the eruption of Mount Mazama, which also led to the creation of Crater Lake. I decided to take this inspiration with me as I returned home to face my problems once again.

The Rogue River Gorge

All of these experiences in nature helped me feel connected to something bigger than myself, to the natural world that we are all a part of. This is a connection that Mary Oliver reminds us of in her poem "Wild Geese," which I read during my road trip and have returned to time and time again as I've tried to hang on to the meaning I found in my experiences.

This isn't easy. Being back in the midst of the troubles I briefly escaped, I have found the stress and sorrow returning in overwhelming waves. When that happens, I return to "Wild Geese" or other poems from Mary Oliver's collection Devotions, which I have been carrying with me lately. I also try to go outside and connect with the nature around me, even if that's just by watching the birds in my backyard or taking a short walk through my neighborhood or on campus. This is one of the lessons of Mary Oliver's work: nature is all around us, and we will see it and learn from it if we pay attention. I encourage everyone to read Mary Oliver’s work and to use Earth Week as an excuse to start spending more time outdoors, enjoying all that our beautiful Earth has to offer.

You can find more of Mary Oliver's writing in the Library.

Melissa Vargas is an English instructor at TVCC.